Faded scars
by logan
Summary: a re-posting of my lemon. it is edited to comply with the fascist rating system. there is a link inside to the "full" fic. Taiora. sora is with matt, tai is depressed. happy ending though


Ok disclaimer time: I own no one... not tai, not Sora, not the blond demon... err... sorry matt fans..

  
  


This was originally a lemon. But due to the despicable actions of fanfiction.net to give into censorship and delete them I was forced to remove the NC-17 material. I urge you to read this story as it was meant to be read and go to my WWW.mediaminer.org page. My name there is Logan kale. I am not sure if it will work, but this is the link to the true faded scars http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_ch.php?id=15664 hopefully I will be able to return my true fic back to fanfiction.net, where it was meant to be.... 

Mail me at logan91235@aol.com 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Fading Scars

by Logan

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


What is the measure of friendship? Or love for that matter? Can you love something enough to loose it forever? That is what Taichi Kamiya had learned... that you can love someone enough to loose them to another... for he loved her... he loved her with all his heart and all his soul. He had watched her from his obscure hiding place in the depths of his dark world. To live in the shadow is a hard life. It hurts to exist within the land of things that are not seen but do exist. His love was hidden from all, yet it still swelled within his chest. Yet as his heart continued to beat within the gallows of obscurity he continued to love her from afar.... it is all he could do.

  
  


Days passed as years for Taichi Kamiya, he had watched from his hiding place over onto her life. He was a friend, but his eyes were the eyes of love. He could see her... and each beautiful visage of her face broke his heart as he watched her look longingly to another. How many nights had he collapsed onto the soft padded fabric of his bed with tears upon his cheeks? Had his pillow possessed the capacity to speak, it would tell of sobbing fits and sleepless nights where the young Taichi had mearly cradled it within his arms... his surrogate Sora. It was a pathetic thing to see, a boy who by all outward appearances look happy and normal. Yet as night took its position over the earth he would break down to the pathetic mound of sobbing flesh. The eyes which once had looked on with such bravado and courage now wept as though his very world had came to a crashing end upon the jagged rocky spires of life.

  
  


This false life had became a hated thing to him. He looked upon his image in the glassy still mirrors with disgust. It wasn't him. Maybe it once had been him, but now it was a lie, a mask of happiness that he wore across his sorrowful eyes in times when he was forced to be happy, he was never truly happy now, he looked at the world through his false eyes with disgust. It was a place that was not for him. Here in this world there was true happiness, and here there was love. It was a world of pictures, none with more substance then the frozen images found within the hollowed walls of a museum. This life was not his... he existed in it as no more then a observer, a creature damned to the deepest tortures of hell... to see a life he was not welcomed to join.

  
  


He loved her in a way that was only true in stories... his heart was more at home upon the face of the ivory page then it was within the glittering sun. in stories there was happiness... in the fiction section he belonged, just another lovesick Romeo who was mearly chapters away from meeting his love where he would sweep her into his arms and passionately make love to her. Fiction. Such a floral word for a lie... yet it was a word he was now akin to, for he was now a lie. Yet from his fictitious eyes he could see the girl from a neutral stance. She was perfect.

  
  


Sora... the name itself means heaven, and the name was lacking in some way, for heaven was nothing to Sora. She would love without end. Her heart was so vast that it could embrace a world in pure tenderness and still not reach its, limit. Her hair was of silken auburn. It glowed within the sunshine as angelic fire. It smelled softly of freshly cut strawberries. As he closed his eyes he could breath her in. The scent was sweet, and it enveloped her whole body as a light misting of sliced strawberry. His lips quivered at the mear thought of her scent. And the image of tasting her lips was all it would take to condemn him to a life of worship to her. He would love every inch of her... he would bath within the shimmering waters of sunset that dwelled within her tender kind eyes. He wished he had been born as a tear, for as one he would be born within those eyes, then slowly move down her soft curving cheek until his life ended upon those lips... he could wish no sweeter death then to die upon those lips... to die with a kiss from the one girl he loved...

  
  


He hated those around her... she had never truly belonged. To any of them... this was not by her own fault though... they didn't know how perfect she was... it amused tai that he must be the smartest person on earth, for it would seem only he could see just what she was.

  
  


Sora has started on the girl's soccer team. To them she was mearly a means to victory. She was one of the best, and for that reason they wanted her there. Yet Sora was denied the only thing she had ever longed for from them... friendship. They didn't care... it was shown clearly to her as she had been absent from a game do to injury.... they didn't care... they mearly walked past her as though she was a ghost...

  
  


She moved to the boy's team only to find one among them to give her what she needed... Taichi, he had seen her for her greatness.... and he had been her friend. Yet one face in a team is a small portion. She was hated for her skill. She was better then most of them, but she had one fatal flaw. She was a girl. It was for this reason that she was chased from their team despite the heroic efforts of her one friend.

  
  


She moved on to tennis... there she found indifference. She wasn't a friend to them, she came from a poor family. She was worse then hated by them... she simply didn't matter anymore.

They were the rich, a class above all others. Sora's family had no stables, or a lavish country home where they could retreat to as an escape from the monotonous life of a millionaire.. To them Sora was no more then a charity case, perhaps a form of amusement. Their own quaint little way of slumming it by hanging out with a genuine poor person.

  
  


Tai wanted her though... he wanted her more then life, he wanted to share her joys and pains.. Yet it was for the same reason that he had been close to her that he was denied her. They were friends. And for that reason the days grew darker. And now as tai suffered all the more he wanted to scream in agony. He had watched her from afar. And now he had watched her fall in love.

  
  


Matt was a good friend, but he was who she fell in love with. Tai wanted to hate matt now... he saw Sora as she gazed longingly to him from the crowd. Those eyes of love glowed to him, and not to the one who truly loved her. Tai had never known love to be this horrific... his heart began to wrench in agony as it split... pain was something he now knew.... he suffered as no human had ever suffered before. The body bleeds... and it hurts... but that pain was a shadow of agony to the pain of the soul. Tai knew that pain. The pain swallowed him within itself. And each look she cast he saw... He saw her as she looked to him with the same eyes tai looked to her with.

  
  


Matt was clueless to her heart... he was unaware as it longed for him... he was unaware of it as it suffered silently. Matt was popular..... he was surrounded by girls who had steadily fallen in love with him. And he had fallen in love with them too... they lacked substance though... and for that reason they didn't last. But through tai's seeing eyes he saw Sora... her heart broke each day she saw matt look to one of them, just as tai's heart broke each night he looked at her. The circle of misery continued onward as a vast parade of agony. There they were the three friends who were forever locked in misery... it was a dance of sorrow that began with yamato and ended with Taichi.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Hearts are such fragile things... they exist as a great glassy orbs gently levitating over a sea of concrete. It takes so little to send them spiraling downward to the cold Stoney earth. Tai had known that love was like this... he had shed enough tears to flow as a sea.... a sea of misery that he now swam. He wallowed in agony as he felt Sora fall deeper in love with matt and have her hopes crushed with each day. Tai felt her pain as it rippled through his soul.. Yet one day he had enough... he had always meant nothing, but she..... she was worth pain... he would sleep within a bed of razors for her... he knew that if she was happy then at least he could be happy for her and not suffer along side her.... they say misery loves company... well that is not true for Taichi Kamiya... if his only company in hell was Sora, then he would gladly wade through the lakes of fire to give her a boost into heaven. That was love... to loose all he cared for so that she would be happy. He would jump into hell itself for her. To save her one tear he would offer his soul at Satan's feet and beg for Sora's joy. What is love with out loss? Perhaps he would get the chance to give her happiness.... and for that chance his pain was inconsequential.....

  
  


He had found her standing outside the vacant building where matt's band rehearsed. It was there that she stood hesitantly. In her arms she held a large wrapped box. Tai had learned from her mother that Sora had spent all day in the kitchen baking and slaving before a fiery oven to make this present for him. Granted it was what you would expect from a quaint country girl and not a modern teenage girl. But for Sora it was a act of kindness and affection. She loved him enough to put forth real effort... not mearly buying him something. It was special for him... Tai had stood before her watching as she debated wether to deposit this gift into the nearest garbage can and run away back to her room where she could spend another afternoon moping. Tai felt his heart rip apart once again... he had hoped to see her without this expression.. She wanted to be with him so badly.....

  
  


Tai steeled his nerves as he approached her. The cold stung his face as he went forward. He was grateful for the small acts of mercy fate was willing to bestow upon him. It was cold... the cold would help to numb the skin.. Perhaps if it were cold enough it would be able to surpass the skin and numb his heart.. He would give anything for a brief break for this pain. Yet he drew nearer to her.

  
  


"Hey Sora...." she was caught off guard by his words. It was obvious that she was paying attention only to the door which she wanted to enter so desperately. She looked at him with a light blush on her angelic face. Tai debated wether it was due to the cold against her cheeks or to the romantic mind set she was in.. Despite his best efforts he knew that it was the ladder.

  
  


He listened to biyomon as she told him of Sora's predicament despite the obvious embarrassment of the human girl at her side. Digimon were interesting creatures.. As you speak to them they can seem so real and so human... yet they are truly not human... it is obvious by their failure to grasp the obvious traits of humanity... the concept of something being private is completely alien to them.... much as something being too painful to talk about. That was augumon's problem.. The lizard was able to sense physical distress effortlessly, yet he was completely unaware of the concept of emotional pain. He had always believed tai when he had been lied to.. as he watched Taichi sob for hours it was truly amazing that he was completely put off the track by Taichi telling him that there is something in his eye.

  
  


"Is this... true... Sora?" he asked hesitantly as if the answer were a venomous serpent willing to bite him for asking.

  
  


"Yes...." she whispered... it was such a soft and tiny word, yet to Taichi it impaled him as a spear through the heart. It had never hurt this bad before.... but as testament to his ability to act he was able to hide the pain.

  
  


"Sora, I can honestly tell you that matt would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend... I can't tell you to go in there... you have to do it for yourself...

Sora, believe me on this... he would be very lucky to have you..."

  
  


"Tai... I can't, I'm just not sure...." she paused as Taichi drew nearer and put his strong hands upon her shoulders. She looked at him softly with a strange question to the bizarre expression upon his face... he looked sad.... the expression was a faint one, yet as Sora caught it, she found it troubling.

  
  


"Sora... all I can tell you to do now is to follow your heart.... if it leads to matt... then follow it through that door... if it doesn't... I'll be here to keep you company...."

  
  


Their eyes met as Taichi smiled to her. He was awed by her eyes as they found his own... it was hard for him to look upon her... she was beautiful... an angel of fiery eyes and the most tender smile ever to bless the eyes of Taichi... yet as he looked upon that smile it broke his heart once again.. She whispered a soft "thank you" as she made her way to the door.

  
  


It was then that Taichi truly grasped the fact that she was not going to choose him... in the end he had achieved his goal.. Sora was happy... she was happy... but, from her happiness came his misery... he had wanted her heart to lead to him... yet the road of the heart led strait to yamato... his mind raced for actions as she glided ever-closer to the door... he wanted to run to her.. To take her into his arms and kiss her passionately. To tell her what he had dreamed to tell her for a thousand sleepless nights... yet as he watched her make her way to the door he found no words capable of being uttered...

  
  


The man who was mamed in a war can recall the day with effortless action the slightest of detail.. It is as though they could summon up the recollection of a solitary blade of lush green grass that simply caught their eye for half a heartbeat. It is the mind's way of holding on to the last memory of your legs or arms from before they were gone. Perhaps the faculty Taichi lost that day was the most dominant in life, far more so then an arm or leg... Taichi was robbed of his heart that day... and like any veteran of war he could recall without effort the feel of the grit beneath the rubber soles of his sneakers... the smell of the cool autumn air on that accursed day... it was all etched upon his agonized soul as clearly as crystal... Taichi had fought a war of love... and survived to return home as a cripple.

  
  


He simply smiled as he watched her wave a cute goodbye to him as she vanished beyond the darkened threshold of the door... she was gone.... gone from his dreams... gone from his hopes... but not gone from his heart... the heart is a remarkable organ... it can die a painful death upon jagged stones, then within the threshold of a moment, be healed enough to plummet once more.

  
  


"You really have grown up a lot tai...." the lizard chirped happily as Taichi remained fixed on the large door....

  
  


He paused as he closed his eyes slowly with great effort... Growing up means pain... it means abandoning your heart... it means bidding farewell to all that you love for the simple cause of maturity... that is how Taichi knew growing up... it wasn't the onset of hormones... it wasn't the addition of responsibility or self sufficiency... growing up simply meant you had surpassed your quota of pain to no longer be considered a child...

  
  


"Yeah..."

  
  
  
  


Taichi watched the days fly upon leathery wing.. They glided by at a staggering speed. This is how it was for others... not for the one among them who suffered in perfect silence...

  
  


They say life can fly swiftly when you are happy, yet it can plod along with a deep and weighted march when you are miserable... that is what Taichi had discovered... he felt time slow for him... time was a sinister monster... a torturer of the most horrific ability... the task master we know as father time is an effective monster... he was able to milk the pain from Taichi with each endless day and hellish night. You would think the pain of a lost love could vanish over time... yet the heart is a strange master... it can heal and it can break, and it knows no limit to endurance and no level of fatigue capable of ending the torment of lost love.

  
  


Taichi resumed his place as a silent watcher... he saw her as her heart swelled with a love that he could understand all too well... he loved her still... she was an angel to matt.. She would be there to hold him on his bad days and celebrate his triumphs.... yet that didn't hurt Taichi as deeply as it could have... he knew that pain was common... yet as a veteran of hell he could take all but the fights... Sora and matt fought, much like other couples they fought... but there was something in the passion of the fighting that frightened Taichi more then he could ever dare dream.... there was a lust to their bickering... a steady fire that existed within the aspect of the argument...

  
  


Sex.... it is a act shared by those who truly love one another... for this reason Taichi had shunned the idea of giving his innocence away to any other then his Sora... she was his angel... the only girl on the face of the world who he would love enough to share that side of himself with... but now there was a new pain with which tai could suffer.... Sora and matt making love.... the thought effected his stomach as a icy punch to the gut... he felt noshes at the idea of them together...

He had talked to Sora before as a friend and known quite clearly that she was a virgin... and she would choose to remain one until she met the one she truly loved enough to share herself with....

  
  


What if she chose matt for this...

  
  


Taichi stared out over the terrace with a sudden darkness at the image... he had suffered so much.. He had endured hell upon his shoulders.... pure anguish.... he felt rage burn within his heart as he stood up defiantly to the heavens....

  
  


"NO...." he choked out hatefully to whatever force had chosen him to fall so deeply in love with someone who would never see him as anything but a friend. He challenged fate with the one word... he would not allow himself to endure this any further... he felt his heart throb in his chest as he contemplated the truth... he would hurt everyone... his parents.... Kari... But he no longer cared... he had suffered so much... he had endured for so long that the idea of death seemed like release from the agony his heart now forced him through.... suicide... such a horrible word.... but if this act of desperation could save him from the idea of Sora committing in both body and soul to matt then it was a gesture of mercy...

  
  


He sat alone in his room... he had taken all the precautions... the house was empty.... he had left letters to them all... he had explained that he simply could not live with the pressure of life anymore... this was a lie... he hated the idea of lying to his mother the very last time he would communicate with her... but it was better then making it clear to them all that his Sora was the cause of it....

  
  


The notes were lined up neatly on the livingroom table... from matt to Kari... he had told them the lie... and wished them well. He had written to each of them with a few kind and loving last words... but to Sora... her note was the shortest of them all. No more then five words... these words were simply his last way of sharing his deepest secret. He wanted her to know...

  
  


"I'll always love you Sora...."

  
  


He smiled softly.... it was time to say goodbye to the pain... the cancer of agony which writtled his body was about to vanish... the pain... the loss... the life that was a waste... all were at their ends...

  
  


He sat on the plush carpet as he reached to the cold weapon... he had always known where his father had hidden his gun... now that knowledge would serve him well.... 

  
  


He lifted the cold grey revolver.. It was like a piece of ice in his hand... he tested its weight in his hand carefully... it had a sense of balance to it... a perfect symmetry with which he longed to experiment with.. It was a grim curiosity... this would be the instrument with which he would die... strangely he was not afraid as he lifted the weapon once more.. He loaded it slowly and carefully... the shells were of icy bronze as well... he felt no menace from the gun... it was unreal... 

  
  


He drew in a deep breath as he lifted the muzzle to his soft tan forehead.....

  
  


"Goodbye.... my Sora...."

  
  
  
  


time stopped..

  
  


Some believe that god takes actions at certain points in life... strange and unpredictable miracles.... a child falls down a flight of steps and is saved by forces never explainable in the field of science... it can be classified only as a simple act of god..... he is a father who takes us into his strong hands in hour times of need... and he acts on our behalf in ways we cannot explain...

And thus for Taichi Kamiya... servant to justice and right... and to others he was taken into that shielding hand and defended from his own actions... it came to be known to Taichi as a second calling... not an act of mercy... but an act of need... he would be needed again.. And thus his death would be, by divine order, postponed until the final act of heroics could be made....

  
  


Now it could have been a breeze... or perhaps a slight tremor in the buildings foundations... or maybe a final breath of the air conditioner... but by chance... or by god's will it happened... from the dresser it glided down slowly to him. It danced as a leaf in the wind as it made small descending circles along the path to earth... yet Taichi gasped as he felt the picture land effortlessly in his lap... the photo was old and faded... but as Taichi stared at it his eyes filled with tears....

  
  


Two children arm in arm.... a boy... a girl... their arms were locked to one another in a loving embrace shared only by the best of friends... Sora and Taichi were both five at the time of the photo... they were smiling happily together... they were innocent... yet even in the gossamer innocents we posses as a child Taichi recalled holding his breath as he felt her in his arms...

  
  


He felt his eyes burn with hot tears as he gave out a raged cry. He heaved the gun away from himself.. The instrument of release slid harmlessly across the ground until it came to rest amidst a pile of cloths... the steely viper now lay still upon the earth.. Its fangs no longer beared...

  
  


He summoned all the might he possessed and managed to daintily lift the weapon and return it to its hiding place within his father's dresser... he took hold of the letters and gingerly placed them away beneath his mattress where they could be resurrected when he developed nerve enough to finish the act...

  
  


He sighed heavily as he plodded to the shower... stripping of his clothing he crawled inside... he slumped onto his haunches upon the cool surface of the shower floor. His hand found the controls and began turning the hot water nob... from the mouth of the nozzle the scalding water poured over his naked frame... it was comforting... though in some ways the heat was painful, it was also enough to silence the throbbing pain he felt inside for a time... he remained there... curled into a ball of shivering flesh as he felt the hot water cascade down over his muscular frame.. His hair hung against his face as he allowed the water to trail down him and into his partly open mouth... he sighed softly at the heat... the water was at its hottest and yet it was cold to him... he craved heat now... some way to warm the void of coldness that existed within him as a hollow void... yet he knew all the hot showers in the world would do him no good in the efforts to ward away this winter cold... and thus he allowed himself to rest his troubled brow against the tile wall of the stall... and as he did he felt himself sink into the deepest sleep of his life...

  
  
  
  
  
  


*********************************

  
  


at eight Taichi was roused from his now cold shower by the shrill cry of his phone... he snarled at it as he rose up from the cold waters which had managed to numb away the feeling in his legs... he slapped the nob to off, ceasing the flow of very cold water... tai had began to re-think the idea of allowing himself to sleep in the shower.. The water had just been too warm and relaxing... but now as Taichi cursed random choice words at his stiffened muscles which now hung painfully tight against his frame. He labeled it as he had labeled drinking away problems... a good idea only at the time... Taichi had tried once to drink away his problems... however he found it was less a way to forget the angelic girl and more a way to develop a tremendous headache...

  
  


There are no shortcuts to pain.. The bite can be delayed as one can delay a creditor... yet in the end it always comes back at you with interest... such was drinking... a way to delay your agony just long enough for it to get that much more painful...

  
  


Tai reached to the counter where he retrieved a pair of faded boxers... still mostly asleep he fumbled his way into the undergarments... then trotted over to the phone.. He yawned heavily as he lifted the receiver to his ear...

  
  


"Hello..." 

  
  


nothing

  
  


"Hello, Kamiya residence.. Taichi speaking...."

  
  


Nothing....

  
  


He was about to hang up when a soft voice broke through the soft static background of the line.. The voice was no louder then a whisper.. And it was obvious from the reception that it was a cellular call.. The voice was a soft one... a sad one... the words gave away tears... and as the weak voice muttered out some incomprehensible words Taichi recognized the voice... it was a soft voice.. A voice he could pick from a crowd with effortless action... it was the voice of the one he loved.. The one he lost... the one he was called to rescue again....

  
  
  
  


"Sora?.... Sora!?!"

  
  


"Tai..." the meek voice whispered...

  
  


"Sora, w-what's wrong?!?" he asked with a hint of growing panic...

  
  


"Oh Taichi.... Please help... I'm scared...." she sobbed.

  
  


"Where are you Sora?!?...." he choked out as he felt a rage burn within him... someone had hurt her... someone would pay...

  
  


Nothing....

  
  


"SORA" he barked out as more an order to speak then a request...

  
  


"Matt's studio...."

  
  


"I'll be there in five minutes...."

  
  


As the phone landed atop the receiver tai lost control of his actions... he felt himself moving by a power he didn't know he had.. He dressed and ran from the apartment at speeds he had never before known... he was vaguely aware how his white canvas shirt now clung to his still wet body... or how his ling hair was now matted to his face and shoulders in slick brown tendrils of soaking wet hair.

  
  


He mounted his motorcycle faster then he had ever dreamed... the bike was a glossy black shimmering piece of speed... tai had began to turn to racing as a means to escape life... thus the machine was tweaked out to the point where it could move as black lightning...

  
  


He had raced against some of the best on the streets of japan... the contests were illegal of corse.. Yet they moved around so frequently and were very well organized that the police were hard pressed to find them... the rules were virtually none... your bike.. Your life... you get to the finish first.. You win the pot... Taichi had become one of the best... he had long since cared for life... thus he went faster and harder then any other...where others would slow, he would accelerate... also the digital world had conditioned him to this.. He was able to think see and act faster... he could take more... his reflexes were automatic as he would weave between cars buildings and others without the slightest hesitation... and thus... every month he raked in around ten thousand dollars of pure winnings...

  
  


Yet now he was racing for her... She needed him and he was not going to be late.. He pushed it faster then even he had dared go... the engine screamed as he shot threw traffic... he would weave through cars as if they were standing still... the bike and the rider were one... Taichi flew through lights and traffic as if it were not even there...

  
  


Time moved at stride with the throbbing engine as it accelerated... he soon caught sight of the studio matt's group had been practicing at.. Within a heartbeat he was inside the building breaking into a run... he knew the general location of where matt was practicing.. Thus he charged down the halls like lightning... the complex was huge yet soon tai found himself there... his breathing was shallow as he caught sight of matt who was frantically waving him over... the blond was afraid... he wore the fear upon his crystalline blue eyes as one might wear a brand...

  
  
  
  


"Oh god tai...."

  
  


"What happened?!" he barked out in a commanding voice...

  
  


The two began running down the hall to the dressing room with matt guiding them as he spoke...

  
  


"Sora and I were making out.... it got kinda hot and we started... well you know..." he was blushing lightly as he spoke... unaware of the fact that Taichi's fists were now white with rage as he ran... Taichi became vaguely aware of a desire to stop right now and kill matt in cold blood, yet by sheer will he was able to keep stride...

  
  


"Well things were getting heavy and I was about to take off her shirt when I saw the marks on her arms...."

  
  


"What the hell are you talking about!?!?"

  
  


"Sora's been... hurting herself....." tai paled...

  
  


"I didn't know I swear... some girls just get lost in the crowd.. It happened to a friend of mine.. These sweet girls get put next to the type of girls who hang with bands... Sora's hot... but these girls are pros.... well some times the girls start cutting themselves... it's a form of self mutilation.. It's kinda a mental thing..." matt spoke sickly as he ran...

  
  


Taichi was afraid now... he had not been afraid for a long time... but he was truly scared now... the images of what matt was saying began to sink into his mind with grizzly imagery...

  
  


"She noticed that I saw the scars... she ran and locked herself in the bathroom... tai... I'm afraid she is going to kill herself...." he choked out as they came to a stop at the bathroom door... tai tried the nob only to find it securely locked.... 

  
  
  
  


tai glanced around the room... it was plastered with various posters and other such paraphernalia as you would find plastered upon a growing band's dressing rooms.. Tai felt ill... he could vaguely remember hearing a news report on this... self mutilation was considered a mental problem.. Like anorexia... Sora had been put amongst these people... and it was obvious the position of girlfriend to the lead singer was a hard one to fill... she had began to despise herself for every flaw upon her soft features... this self hate swelled heavily to the point that she would actually hurt herself... the thought was a horrific one to Taichi.. He had always found her truly beautiful... the idea that she could see herself so ugly as to hurt herself frightened him... he loved her.. Her skin was precious to him... and now as he came to the image of her cutting that skin made him want to scream in fear for the life more sacred then his own.....

  
  


"SORA!!" he howled as he beat his fist against the door...

  
  


The silence was defining as he began to beat against the door once more... she wasn't answering... the silence terrified him... it could imply so much.... she could be lying there bleeding and dead.... he would never see her again..... the silence fell upon him as he was vaguely aware of matt mentioning that she had stopped talking half an hour ago.... that silence would forever be recollected by Taichi as the most terrifying sound he would ever hear... it called to him as a demonic voice, singing in joyous discord to Taichi's pain and Sora's death... tai continued to plead with her from the threshold... he had continued to beat upon the door until his knuckles bled... and even then he continued...

  
  
  
  


"Sora... please talk to me... I'm scared Sora...." he broke down as he lay his hand against the strong door.

  
  


"I shouldn't have called you Taichi..." a meek voice whispered from behind the frame of the solid door.

  
  


"Oh god Sora... I thought you were...."

  
  


"Please Taichi... leave..." her words were spoken in a deep sob as he winced at the word's pain...

  
  


"Sor... I can't do that...."

  
  


"Please open the door Sora... I am so worried about you..." he whispered softly...

  
  


"What do you care!?!" she snarled out with obvious pain in her voice...

  
  


"I care.... I care because I love you!" he yelled out as tears poured from his soft chocolate eyes..

  
  


Matt gasped softly as he heard Taichi confess that to his girlfriend. And as he looked at Taichi it was painfully obvious to him that it was true... every memory of their past interactions flew back to him... and it was obvious by the observations that Taichi truly had loved Sora... he had cried for her when he almost lost her... he had disregarded matt when Sora was crying over her crest... he had been the one to comfort her and as matt recalled the incident through his mind's eye... tai had held her as she sobbed... their hands had locked for a time... and Sora had taken solace in his touch.... the realization hit matt hard... Taichi had always been there for her... and he had gone so far that he had given Sora the courage to step through the door that day....

  
  


"Liar...." Sora whispered softly.

  
  


"You just don't want me to hurt myself...."

  
  


"Damn right I don't... but I do love you...." he pleaded...

  
  


"I can't believe you Taichi...."

  
  


"DAMN YOU SORA... I have never once lied to you... you're beautiful..."

  
  


"Now I know you're lying....."

  
  


"Let me finish.... you are beautiful in every way.... I have looked at you for years Sora... I see how you care for others without limit... I saw how you were a mother to TK.... how you were the rock I could always depend on..." he paused as his eyes slipped shut...

  
  


"You have meant the world to me for years Sora...and you have been killing me for years... I have loved you so much it hurt... you know that feeling... it is what you once felt for matt... your heart feels broken... like it is impaled.. You cry and cry... and you try to think of something else but it's useless... there is a part missing... you can feel it inside as you sleep... as you wake... with each breath the hollowness throbs inside....

  
  


I have watched you love him for years... and ever look you gave him killed me... it's like I died each time.... and in the end I gave up so you would be happy with the one you were meant for.... I should have died in the digital world Sora... there's nothing for me here.... I lead the digidestined for you... I only cared about getting you home... I almost wish I had never made it back...

  
  


I watched as you fell more and more in love.... and I was truly afraid of watching you fall deeper in love.. I was truly terrified of seeing the only girl I can love in love with another... but Sora... today I have something new that I am afraid of....." he paused as his eyes fell to the ground beneath him...

  
  


"Today I thought I might loose you for good... Sora that is my true fear... waking up to a world which you are not a part.... Sora. love matt... but please... don't do this to me... I think I can take the pain of losing your heart... but not losing your life..."

  
  


She said nothing....

  
  


"DAMMIT, I told you once to follow your heart... so I am telling you to do it again! Look inside your heart Sora Takenouchi, bearer of the crest of love! Your heart is the most true and pure of all hearts.. Look to it now! I know it doesn't tell you to end your life... Sora if I have ever mattered to you at all I beg you to do this for me now!!! 

  
  


FOLLOW YOUR HEART!!" he broke down to tears as he slumped to his knees before the door... he cried there... cried his fears.. Fears not of selfishness but of love... his fears of losing Sora...

  
  


The silence was broken by the clicking sound of the latch... his red eyes looked up to her and found an angel staring down at him... she dropped to her knees as she embraced him... he cried against her shoulder as she stroked his hair lovingly... she embraced him happily as her arms took him in....

  
  


"Tai... I did follow my heart... it just took a while to lead to where it really belongs..." she whispered into his damp hair...

  
  


"Yeah?"

  
  


"And guess where it lead me... right to the one boy who has always loved me... right to you..." she kissed his forehead tenderly as she continued to sooth him...

  
  


"I love you...Taichi Kamiya."

  
  


"I have waited my whole life to hear that... Sora Takenouchi."

  
  


She softly brushed the damp tendrils of chestnut hair from hie face.. Then as softly as a shadow glides across the skin her lips met his in a kiss born of true love.. They kissed as children.. There was no lust... simply love.... a love he had wanted to know for as long as he lived... a love she had longed to know... a true love.. One where she would feel.... that she belonged.

  
  


As their lips hesitantly parted Sora smiled out a question she had longed to ask her true love.... 

  
  


Tai smiled softly as he lifted her to her feet... Yet he suddenly became aware of her arms... they were cris-crossed with crimson wounds... soft tributaries of blood trailed from her arms to her stained sweater... Taichi immediately examined the wounds as a medic... Sora gasped as Taichi pulled the shirt from his back... he immediately ripped the sleeve off and began the act of forming crude bandages... the wounds were shallow... They would not require hospitalization...

  
  


Sora gaped at her "best friend" as his strong muscles rippled as he shredded the last of his shirt for bandages... he began to gingerly dress her wounds. It was obvious he was doing quite well under joe's tutelage in field dressings... Taichi smiled at his handiwork as he blushed at the direction of the young Takenouchi's gaze...

  
  
  
  


Sora's gaze fell upon yamato who was now making his way down the long hall. His hair glistened softly in the dim light as Sora suddenly called out his name.. She remained tightly bound to Taichi's arms as she yelled out to him...

  
  


"Matt!..."

  
  


" I know Sora... I have always had a knack for spotting a losing battle.... and this is a fight I could never win.... you followed your heart... it led to him... 

  
  


Sora, I did love you... but in the end... it was Taichi who you let in.... it was him who you would talk to... it was to him that your heart led... goodbye Sora Takenouchi...."

  
  


"Good bye yamato....." she whispered as she looked to tai... his eyes were asking her softly if she wanted to run to him.... matt was leaving... and she had the choice between the two boys.... yet as she felt Taichi's strong arms release her to him... yet as she was free once more to yamato... she found that she had no desire to give chase... she turned to Taichi as he mouthed out a old quote...

  
  


"If you love something set it free...." he whispered softly...

  
  


"And if it truly loves you, it will return..." she whispered against him as for the first time she knew where home was... home was with him.. It was the place where the heart dwells.... for so long she had not known the whereabouts of the heart... yet now it was clear... her heart beat alongside his within the frame of his chest..."can we go home now?" "Yeah....we can..." he whispered happily to her... and with that the two departed together.....

  
  


(Big gaping hole where the NC-17 should be)

  
  


"Umm.. Sora..."

  
  


"Yeah tai?"

  
  


"I want you to know how much I love you.. How much it was worth all the pain to have you now.. How.. You have completed me..." he whispered as he kissed her wet hair from her eyes.

  
  


"I know tai.. Do you know how much I love you? How much it hurts me inside to know that I was too wrapped up in matt to see the boy who really loves me... how good it feels to know that I am not alone... that I am a part of something so special and perfect... that.. My heart led me to you?" she smiled softly

  
  


" I know Sor..." he smiled as he kissed her once more.. He could taste the slightly salty sweat upon her skin.. Yet to him it was the sweetest nectar. She smelled so good... like flower petals recently cut...

  
  


They lounged like that for a time.. Just basking in the other's warmth and love.. Content in it... yet as Sora napped softly in Taichi's bed and arms she felt some bulge under the mattress... she tried shifting position several times... yet the lump remained a pain to her... she growled lightly as her hand snaked under the mattress to locate the offending object.. She came to what felt like papers.. She paled lightly as she closed them in her grip.. The odds of finding something innocent hidden under the mattress of a teenage boy were small to none... she sighed as she prepared herself to unearth some vast collection of adult books, magazines, videos, or perhaps just a giant bag filled with drug paraphernalia... she laughed at the image of tai being some drug dealing, sicko, pervert...

  
  


but still.. She debated what she would find... hopefully it would just be his journal or sketch pad.. In which case she would quickly move it. If it were something along the lines of a playboy she would do the same.. But of corse make a note to make fun of him thoroughly.. She chuckled evilly at the idea...

  
  


But what she found hidden beneath the mattress both shocked and terrified her... letters... and as she read them her eyes went wide in horror. They were suicide notes.. Tai had tried or planned to...

  
  


"Tai! Tai! Wake up right now!!" she snarled as she mercilessly shook him.

  
  


"God Sora... a gentle kiss would be a much more boyfriend friendly way of waking me up...." he rose slowly as he yawned tiredly.

  
  


He paused as his eyes recognized the notes.. He sighed sadly as his brown eyes met her enraged fiery eyes. "You weren't supposed to see those..."

  
  


"I would say not you idiot!! How could you even think of killing yourself!!" 

  
  


tai was lightly alarmed as she managed to pin him to the bed board. She was a lot stronger when pissed... something he would have to remember so as not to get her angry enough to use this freakish strength she apparently had when she was not being as loving. He tried to stammer out words but found he couldn't.

  
  


"Dammit tai! If you had died..... god tai!! Do you know what it would have been like for every one!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR ME!?!?!?!" she felt hot tears running down her cheeks.

  
  


"Dammit tai... if you killed yourself... I would have too... even before tonight I would have killed myself.. I couldn't lose you Taichi....." she was crying hard as Taichi stared in shock. "Not you...."

  
  


"Sora... I was in a really bad place then... I was hurting all the time.. And that night was at my worst... but you saved me... it was because of you that I didn't shoot myself. I knew I couldn't leave you... no matter how much it hurt..." he rocked her softly in his arms.

  
  


he kissed her wrist that bore a faded scar that at one point was her own suicide effort... but something stopped her too... "Suicide is not romantic or a way out.. It only hurts the people you love... and we each get to know how close we came, because if we had... then we wouldn't get the chance to be together now... I love you Sora.. I couldn't live without you..." he whispered to her teary eyes.

  
  


She smiled softly...

  
  


"We each have our scars Sora... you wear yours outside.. I wear mine inside... but they are there, all the same..."

  
  


"Yeah they are.. But you know what?"

  
  


"What?"

  
  


"Scars fade away." 

  
  


she replied as she kissed her boyfriend.. 

  
  


Her best friend... 

  
  


her lover... 

  
  


Her savior...

  
  


her Taichi...

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


life is a thing of mixed joys and sorrows.

We touch upon them both through our trek down the rode of life.

We are given a rare chance by god, or by whatever force fills our hearts with life

the chance to experience the greatest gift we could be given...

Yet the gift has a cost.. 

For each measure of joy there must be a shadow of sorrow..

For the love in our hearts we must know the hate

sometimes the bad outmatches the good

and in that scenario we are scared by life

  
  


yet With love, scars do fade

  
  
  
  


the end...


End file.
